I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
