His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
