Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
