he thought i was a dude.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
