if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
