i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just invented taco cereal.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
