I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
