At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
