There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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