When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
