When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
