the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
