I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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