I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
