Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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