I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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