I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
