you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
