you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
