How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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