Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
