wakey wakey hands off snakey
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
