just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
