Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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