my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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