I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
