OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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