Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
