then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
