He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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