I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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