Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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