My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
