was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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