This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
