Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
