I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i've created a new STD.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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