I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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