I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
its liver damage thursday
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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