Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
