i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
