Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
