So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
