I feel great
I just peed on a car
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
