Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
