Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
