i think my tv is drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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