And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
