I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
