My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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