Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
