im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
