is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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