Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
