Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
